21 Today! - An unofficial opening of something before it's open!

According to the band "Serious Drinking", the revolution starts at closing time. No way! Not for us ribbon junkies it doesn't! The revolution starts right here - at opening time!

...And what an opening we did today! I realise that conceptually it's important to keep these major events as fresh and cutting edge as possible, so when my friend Maria asked me if I would unofficially open her Tranquil Therapy Reflexology And Reiki Swedish Massage Salon the day before it was officially opened, I fair old skipped round there, scissors at the ready! It wasn't long before we'd persuaded her (very funny) daughter Sofia to get involved (She didn't take a lot of persuading) and requisitioned her neighbour, Ron, to be on unofficial camera duty. I did try to explain to Ron what we were doing but I don't think he really had unofficial opening in his blood and eventually I gave up and we agreed he'd just take the pictures. So off we went!

Here are Maria and Sofia. Maria is the brains (and hands) behind "Tranquil". She is pictured to the right, should there be any confusion. I have no doubt that Sofia  will one day be a successful small business woman, but currently she is seven years old and needs regular breaks.

The two most difficult things were getting the angle right so we were all in the photograph (Ron's job) and getting my shoe and sock off, openers - I'm not as young as I used to be. Tasks taken care of, I didn't take much cajoling onto that oh-so-comfy massage table, scissor lovers, and with a mighty roar, the Tranquil Therapy Reflexology And Reiki Swedish Massage Parlour was unofficially...

Good shot, Ron! Please notice foot raised aloft for comedy effect. Do you like what I've done there, unofficial openers?

...OPEN! Sadly local Letchworth dignitaries Michael Winner (hates the place) and George Orwell (Dead) were unable to attend this most auspicious and unique of occasions, but I'm sure they were there with us in spirit. What am I saying "unique" for? They're ALL unique, ribbon freaks!

Footnote - lots of our ribbon holders have requested to keep the ribbon so they can do something imaginative with it, such as make quality headgear but this time round Sofia was very creative and mum Maria thought it was so good, she'd copy her (Mums, eh? Are they ever original?)

Fu Man Chu and you and you and...

Check back soon for more unofficial opening and don't forget - keep your eyes peeled, your ribbon tight and your scissors sharp - I could be unofficially opening something near you at any moment!


For more information: Tranquil Therapy , Holistic & Beauty treatments for relaxation, well being and restoring positive energy. Mariaprezio@btinternet.com

Opening 20 - Happy Birthday, Dad!

Seeing as the last opening I did was an entire nation, I decided that I needed to downsize a little in scale, if not in importance, scissor fans! Unofficial opening isn't all about the biggest and the greatest, it's sometimes about the situation and the circumstance. Hence, as a special treat for my Dad's birthday in our local "Harvester" restaurant, I thought I'd bring the old scissors and ribbon along for a little bit of unofficial opening, birthday style!

Well! Obviously the entire contingent could barely contain their excitement for the salad bar so I had to wait until we'd got healthy course number one down our sockets before I whipped out my camera and opening accoutrements and what a response! This was very much an all-male affair although my mum did take the photo. Sister-in-law Jane, niece Olivia (and her friend Charlotte) were all a little camera-shy but hey - that's their prerogative, unofficial openers!

Ahhh - what a happy family scene. (Clockwise from front) There's me, nephew Louis, brother Tim, dad Barry (The birthday boy - sixty two years young!) and nephew Matthew - all grinning with pride and rightly so - this was also our twentieth opening and the only thing better than the event itself was the ribs - mmmmm.... tasty!

Now I also give my holders the opportunity to keep the ribbon and my two nephews, Louis and Matthew were both very keen to retain hold of their halves of this most essential ingredient for any quality opening. I've had occasional interest in people adapting their ribbon as a top-notch clothing item and Check out opening five for a previous example of this but Matthew, unprompted, turned himself into a pocket-sized Kung Fu fighter without so much as a by your leave, you snip-happy hombres!

Matthew demonstrates an excellent use of discarded ribbon and doesn't he look a tinker!

Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan weren't around but I've got a feeling I may have bumped into Chuck Norris on my way to the gents but I couldn't be sure so best not dwell on that! Check back here whenever you can for more quality unofficial opening and remember, when it comes to scissory shenanigans, it's not the size of the opening that matters - it's the quality! 

Opening N N N N Nineteen and it's N N N N National!

Och Aye The Noo Unofficial Openers! My journey home from Scotland took a lot longer than I was expecting because I kept stopping at places with silly names for fun and games and obviously for some potential openings. Sadly, most of the places weren't as much fun as their names suggested and by the time I got to the border my scissor fingers were fair old itching to snip some ribbon in almost any circumstances.

The bizarrely named Crook Of Devon. I could find no information about this little place, what it's doing in Scotland I don't know and sadly there was no-one about. Hence my look of disgust -  I can't very well unofficially open something by myself, can I?

But what was I to do? I stopped off at the viewing point where our two nations collide because I had espied a burger van and, well, if I couldn't get an unofficial opening in before I left Caledonia, I was at least going to have a cheeseburger!

As I got out of the car I saw a group of lads clowning around by the border stone and offered to take a photo of all of them. They were made up that they could all get in the picture (They had been arguing about who would take the shot of the rest of them doing the clowning) and then - POW - it hit me! This was an opportunity that I was unlikely to get again. I got a cold sweat, I shook with trepidation and as they stared at me in disbelief I cried out "You could be ribbon holders! You could take the photo! It's opening time!"

Look at the genuine joy on the faces of these rapscallions! It's not every day you get to unofficially open an entire country!

Seconds later, there I was, scissors in hand, the ribbon was cut and I declared England unofficially... OPEN!

There wasn't a Roman in sight, I didn't hear a single Northumbrian pipe and I had failed to arrange for The Proclaimers and Lindisfarne to affect a Mexican stand off, but it was still emotional. Shortly after this the batteries on my camera died which was a shame - because I'd had another brilliant idea to unofficially close  Scotland on the way out. Never mind - they took the photo themselves! sadly, I'm still waiting for it but should it show up ever, I'll be sure to add it to this blog. Check back soon for more unofficial opening, ribbon fiends!