Opening 24 - A Hungarian Pay Off!

Hello there, opening fans! Hot on the heels of me unofficially opening "laughter" in Austria I found myself but a day later in Budapest, scissors primed for another esoteric unofficial opening. Now what could possibly follow something as mind-blowing as unofficially opening jollity in one of Europe's finest (And sternest) capital cities? I needed something special and it showed up in the shape of the area's foremost promoter, Howard Cohen...

Here's me with Howard, shortly before I went on stage at Smiley's comedy club, Budapest - and don't we look smiley!

Howard had enjoyed the previous night's opening so much he fair old begged me to come up with something to unofficially open in Hungary that hadn't been opened in a very long time indeed - something special, something that would bring the nation together, something that could make everyone sit up and smile. I thought long and hard about what I could possibly open that could do this and then I thought to myself - hang on a minute! This guy is notorious for never putting his hand in his pocket! There's only one thing for it! Let's unofficially open...

His wallet!

Well, ribbonites, I had a problem because guess what? He hadn't even brought his wallet out with him! Why would he? He's only the guy responsible for paying the acts on the night, he's only the front man for The Baby Blue Banana comedy empire! He's only got the tram down to the gig with us so he can have a drink as well. Obviously, the drinks must be free for him, because HE HASN'T GOT ANY MONEY AT ALL so why would he need a wallet?

This was an unofficial opening though - and an esoteric one at that, so I wasn't going to let a little thing like a lack of a wallet stop me, no sir! I had a brainwave - Howard has a new business partner and any business partner of Howard's is going to need his wallet on him at all times! Enter Ken! Ken is the latest in a long line of people who Howard is going to end up owing money to so he might as well get used to getting his wallet out on Mr. Cohen's behalf! Photographer procured, Howard positioned, ribbon holders co-opted and it was time for quite simply the funniest opening I've ever done! The entire audience were in stitches - it turns out Howard Cohen owes half of them money too! Is there anyone this man doesn't owe money to? Mexico? Northern Rock? Did Greece lend him a tenner? Who knows? All I know is that we can now declare Howard Cohen's wallet unofficially... open! Unfortunately Bela Bartok and Erno Rubik couldn't make it. The former had a great excuse - he's deceased. The latter (I imagine) was probably trying to work out the latest fiendish puzzle to come out of Hungary - how does anybody get any money out of Howard Cohen?

Wait for it, Hungarian cameraman! Wait for it...

Kapow! Look at the grin on the cheeky fella! I didn't see where he put Ken's wallet but I suspect it may have gone in his back pocket...

There was a problem, though - I was so giddy with excitement that I did something terrible. You know the song "I left my heart in San Francisco"? ...I left my scissors in Budapest! I imagine Howard has pawned them by now so until I can locate an identical pair, unofficial openings is on hold! Don't worry though - it won't be long before I'm at it again so check back soon for more Unofficial Openings!

Another Foreign opening - Gelächter in Österreich!

Guten Tag unofficial openers! Well what a week it's been! Not one, but two openings in not one but two different countries in not one but two different central European capital cities! You'll be telling me next that they were both esoteric! They were!

Last Tuesday saw me arriving at Cafe Jose Feliciano in downtown Vienna to perform at their first ever regular comedy night and I was so excited! Not only was I going to be headlining the gig but I was also going to be meeting my adoptive Austrian daughters, Sabi and Miri...

Here I am with Sabi and Miri. I first met them in 2008 at a music festival in Spain. Little did they know that three and a half years later I would be putting them to work, scissor fans!

...Well! with typical Austrian efficiency they were right on time, we got stuck into some Zipfer beer (When in Austria and all that) and before I knew it Dan Thomas had taken to the stage and was making everybody giggle...

Here's Dan, pre-show with some of the audience. He looks ecstatic -  Of course he was - he was but minutes away from an esoteric unofficial opening!

The interval came and went and my scissor fingers were fair old trembling as I took to the stage. I made sure I warmed up the crowd a bit before unleashing this particular opening, it being a little controversial, to say the least. Austria is not known for being full of chuckles and has a reputation for austerity, fascism and, well,  a certain stuffiness - but that all changed at The Baby Blue Banana comedy club as with the help of my Austrian babies, I unofficially opened...

Look how happy we all are! Of course we're happy! We're in Austria!

...Laughter!

Yes, that's right, you snip-happy lunatics! Laughter! Never again shall Austria miss out on this most fantastic demonstration of happiness! I'm here to bring joy, unofficial openers - I'm here to bring joy! Sadly none of Austria's famous faces could make it down for one reason or another so I had no opportunity to bump into Adolf Hitler, Johan Strauss II or Hans Krankl but there was a famous Austrian pop singer there, whose name escapes me. Oh well! Make sure you check back here soon for the second leg of my Central European Esoteric Unofficial Opening Opus!